Sex Box, Channel 4 What Are You Smoking?

The Cure to Pornography

So internet sex, aka pornography, has caused such a stir recently as mothers and fathers apparently fear how their innocent children will manage in today’s society after being exposed to these fake scenes of intimacy that fuel a billion dollar industry. Well this is one interpretation of MP Diane Abbott’s fears. Sex is everywhere; it’s on the high streets spread across billboards, in newsagents and pretty much anywhere where things are advertised. Even that ever so sweet Hannah Montana kid has revamped her image as Miley Cyrus with an overly sexualised campaign of self-promotion. How will our little darlings bear such a world?

We need to fight back; we must fight back so the next generation do not confuse the real from the fake in the bedroom department. Step up Channel 4 to take on such a task with a campaign of righteousness starting on Monday 7^th of October at 10 pm GMT. Those clever cats have come up with a show that will endeavour to take back sex from the porn industry by....wait for it....putting sex on the television. They have even provocatively called it Sex Box.

Is it me or does this just sound like a porn show? I know what springs to mind when I say the words “Sex Box”. Okay, okay some willing couples will be doing the deed in some kind of sound proof box where the TV audience can’t see anything; but everyone will know exactly what is going on. Perfectly normal then and the obvious environment for the promotion of real life sex.

What are these Channel 4 people smoking? The people that gave us such classics as Big Brother where they hand picked certain members of the public desperate to do anything for their 15 minutes of fame. Surprisingly this led to some girl who said “chicken” a lot and some guy who looked like Shaggy from Scooby Doo getting under a sheet and going at it on TV (possibly). Then a few too many years later the producers at Channel 4 got bored of Big Brother and passed it on to Channel 5.

Now I understand why this happened. It must have been because Channel 4 got fed up of the weeks of small talk, flirtations, and the will they or won’t they moments until some intimacy happened. Then good old Davina McCall had to wait weeks and weeks to interview the contestants on eviction night just to ask them what happened under that sheet. What a chore!!!

Well problem solved now with this new Sex Box show. A 20 something year old couple will go in to the Sex Box to have sex whilst Mariella Frostrup waits for them for an interview about all of the sordid details. Yes, Mariella Frostrup. The woman who has been voted as having the sexiest voice in Britain. She has probably been chosen to sex up the show a bit more I would imagine.

But what is she going to do when the rosie cheeked couple come out. Is she going to be sat there with cigarettes and possibly some taxi fare for the guy to make a quick exit? I hope so. It is real sex after all. How is she going to greet them; with a shake of the hand and a slap on the cheek? She may need to wash her hands afterwards.

I am struggling to understand the whole concept of this show in truth. Apparently it is to tell us all what “normal” sex is. It turns out that throughout the 8 year relationship I was in we were doing it all wrong; not once did we ever invite strangers over and then climb in to a box in the living room whilst they all sat there eating the nibbles we so thoughtfully provided. Maybe if we had some of Channel 4’s normal sex in our life we would still be together?

I must remember it is all for our children’s sake and our children’s children sake so that these young whipper snappers do not grow up with the perversions of the porn industry when they embark on their journeys of puppy love, broken hearts and marriage.

Ah now I see, it is a family show. Personally, I am going to invite my nephews of 5, 3 and 1 years over, get the popcorn out and watch it with them to make sure that they understand that postmen and firemen are not merely sex objects. They are going to be so shocked the next time they watch Fireman Sam and Postman Pat that is for sure!!!

I understand that things have may have got out of control since the launch of the World Wide Web as children these days can innocently come across pornography with a click of the button. I remember searching for a recipe for “spotted dick” one Sunday afternoon so that my ex and I could have some dessert after we erected our sex box in the living room. I was horrified by what my search for a British classic sponge cake came up with but also somewhat intrigued. If you have ever seen Channel 4's Embarrasing Bodies you will know what I mean.

So yes, something needs to be done. But come on Channel 4 are you really helping here? Or is this just another stunt for a ratings hike? Let’s be honest now it is not as if the cast of Hollyoaks are recruited for their amazing acting skills is it!! I am not even going to get started on what Late Night Hollyoaks is all about.

Don’t get me wrong though, I like sex as much as the next person but if we are really going to combat the amount and ease of access to it on the internet and in advertisement then this idea just makes no sense.

Yet having said that I will be tuning in, it looks hilarious. I have already sky plussed it.