So internet sex, aka pornography, has caused such a stir
recently as mothers and fathers apparently fear how their innocent children
will manage in today’s society after being exposed to these fake scenes of intimacy
that fuel a billion dollar industry. Well this is one interpretation of MP Diane
Abbott’s fears. Sex is everywhere; it’s on the high streets spread across
billboards, in newsagents and pretty much anywhere where things are advertised.
Even that ever so sweet Hannah Montana kid has revamped her image as Miley
Cyrus with an overly sexualised campaign of self-promotion. How will our little
darlings bear such a world?
We need to fight back; we must fight back so the next
generation do not confuse the real from the fake in the bedroom department. Step
up Channel 4 to take on such a task with a campaign of righteousness starting on
Monday 7th of October at 10 pm GMT. Those clever cats have come up
with a show that will endeavour to take back sex from the porn industry
by....wait for it....putting sex on the television. They have even
provocatively called it Sex Box.
Is it me or does this just sound like a porn show? I know
what springs to mind when I say the words “Sex Box”. Okay, okay some willing
couples will be doing the deed in some kind of sound proof box where the TV audience
can’t see anything; but everyone will know exactly what is going on. Perfectly
normal then and the obvious environment for the promotion of real life sex.
What are these Channel 4 people smoking? The people that
gave us such classics as Big Brother where they hand picked certain members of
the public desperate to do anything for their 15 minutes of fame. Surprisingly
this led to some girl who said “chicken” a lot and some guy who looked like
Shaggy from Scooby Doo getting under a sheet and going at it on TV (possibly). Then
a few too many years later the producers at Channel 4 got bored of Big Brother
and passed it on to Channel 5.
Now I understand why this happened. It must have been because
Channel 4 got fed up of the weeks of small talk, flirtations, and the will they
or won’t they moments until some intimacy happened. Then good old Davina McCall
had to wait weeks and weeks to interview the contestants on eviction night just
to ask them what happened under that sheet. What a chore!!!
Well problem solved now with this new Sex Box show. A 20 something
year old couple will go in to the Sex Box to have sex whilst Mariella Frostrup
waits for them for an interview about all of the sordid details. Yes, Mariella
Frostrup. The woman who has been voted as having the sexiest voice in Britain.
She has probably been chosen to sex up the show a bit more I would imagine.
But what is she going to do when the rosie cheeked couple
come out. Is she going to be sat there with cigarettes and possibly some taxi
fare for the guy to make a quick exit? I hope so. It is real sex after all. How
is she going to greet them; with a shake of the hand and a slap on the cheek?
She may need to wash her hands afterwards.
I am struggling to understand the whole concept of this show
in truth. Apparently it is to tell us all what “normal” sex is. It turns out
that throughout the 8 year relationship I was in we were doing it all wrong;
not once did we ever invite strangers over and then climb in to a box in the
living room whilst they all sat there eating the nibbles we so thoughtfully
provided. Maybe if we had some of Channel 4’s normal sex in our life we would
still be together?
I must remember it is all for our children’s sake and our
children’s children sake so that these young whipper snappers do not grow up
with the perversions of the porn industry when they embark on their journeys of
puppy love, broken hearts and marriage.
Ah now I see, it is a family show. Personally, I am going to
invite my nephews of 5, 3 and 1 years over, get the popcorn out and watch it
with them to make sure that they understand that postmen and firemen are not
merely sex objects. They are going to be so shocked the next time they watch
Fireman Sam and Postman Pat that is for sure!!!
I understand that things have may have got out of control
since the launch of the World Wide Web as children these days can innocently
come across pornography with a click of the button. I remember searching for a
recipe for “spotted dick” one Sunday afternoon so that my ex and I could have
some dessert after we erected our sex box in the living room. I was horrified by
what my search for a British classic sponge cake came up with but also somewhat intrigued. If you have ever seen Channel 4's Embarrasing Bodies you will know what I mean.
So yes, something needs to be done. But come on Channel 4
are you really helping here? Or is this just another stunt for a ratings hike?
Let’s be honest now it is not as if the cast of Hollyoaks are recruited for
their amazing acting skills is it!! I am not even going to get started on what Late
Night Hollyoaks is all about.
Don’t get me wrong though, I like sex as much as the next
person but if we are really going to combat the amount and ease of access to it on
the internet and in advertisement then this idea just makes no sense.
Yet having said that I will be tuning in, it looks
hilarious. I have already sky plussed it.
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